killing the beast.

catch up time.

the last time i wrote was in february.  allow me to bring you up to speed, dear readers (all two of you):

i sprinted to the finish of my first year of graduate school.  i taught a course.  i applied for and landed 2 jobs that i was really hoping to be offered.  my mom got very ill.  i started seeing a therapist.  i pulled my first all-nighter since high school.  i got engaged (!!!!!!).  i missed having my best friends being by my side through all these highs and lows.  

because of all these things put together, the good and the bad, i have become a busy, cranky, slovenly beast with little desire to cook, with an insatiable appetite for gallons of coffee in the morning and even more gallons of alcohol at night.  with night classes twice a week this past semester that overlap inconveniently with the dinner hour, i found myself coming home famished and deciding to feast on take-out food and beer, instead of having to figure out what i wanted to make for dinner.  then going to the store.  then buying things.  then coming home.  then, UGH, preparing food.  you can see where this is going.  

this pattern, as i discovered as i haplessly tried to take my dehydrated, malnourished self on a run (which gradually turned into a crawl) over the weekend, must end.  and so i have come back into the kitchen, prepared with a new arsenal of recipes to explore and to share and to enjoy so that i can explore and share and enjoy my life! 

as of saturday, i have eliminated caffeine, alcohol and wheat from my diet.  all these things are my weak points, and they really are addictive.  and when all self-control is scattered to the wind because of excessive stress, abandon ye all hope and prepare to gorge thyself on 2 bags of pita chips and several glasses of wine.  

so how is it working so far?  well, i have not had alcohol in three days, and it actually has been surprising how little i miss it.  there was a time when having dinner without a glass of wine seemed uncivilized, but then i realized how uncivilized it became to have a glass before and after dinner as well.  forgoing wheat has been easy so far, also.  and i actually do feel a difference in my energy levels since eliminating it, which is unbelievable.  

the hardest thing to give up has been coffee.  whimper.  as i write this in my coffee shop of choice, the smell of freshly ground beans wafting through the air is taunting me as i begrudgingly sip my herbal tea.  i have read on the internetz about the difficulties of eliminating caffeine, and i actually am really stunned at how my addiction has evolved throughout the semester.  in three months, i went from ordering the smallest size available with the smallest coffee-to-milk ratio (1:4), to upping to size from short to extra tall, to eliminating the milk altogether and guzzling it black.  at any and all hours of the day, too, not just the morning.  who AM i?

now that the semester is officially over, i am going to take the time i need this summer to get my habits in check and blog with gusto!  here's to feeling good!  xo.